It's been one week since my angel crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

I take comfort in the fact she's never going to be scared of the seizures she suffered. Peace is starting to find it's way into my heart and our home.

Deprogramming myself from how we structured our life around Betty may take awhile. I still find myself checking the time constantly to make sure I'm not late giving Betty one of her many anti-seizure pills. When one of the  Smushies is dreaming and running in their sleep, I get anxious thinking it's a seizure! Poor kids have been woken up so many times this week they're sleep deprived....

Despite my sadness, I know the circle of life continues on. If it weren't for Betty, I don't think I would have learned how incredibly special the French Bulldog Rescue Network is. If it weren't for Betty, we would have never welcomed needy Frenchies into our home, like Rini, Newman and Marge, who are all living out a life they may not have had if it weren't for FBRN.  My dedication to rescue and for FBRN will always be in Betty's honor and memory.

 I miss her so much, but the tears are starting to ebb a little. Everyone's support and love has made a huge difference. Snuggling with Stella, Gunther and Marge has been helping a lot too. 

Love to all our friends,

Shannon and the Smushies

Giving it my best effort

I can't begin to express how much everyone's kind and encouraging words have been helping me through this. And to learn some of you have gone through the same type of loss has helped me feel not so alone. I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have the support of my blogger friends. People who aren't 'animal' people just don't understand how devastating it is to lose a fur kid.  Thank you my friends. Truly, thank you.

I have earnestly been trying to take everyone's advice to heart. So, as I type this Ms. Stella is in my lap snoring sound asleep. I welcome their love and know it's important to remember they loved Betty just as much as I did and they're hurting too.

I figured it's important to keep myself busy right now so I decided to repaint our bathroom. I went to Lowe's for the first time without Betty or any of the other dogs for that matter.

I'm confident I would come off as crazy if I told the average person that pushing the empty cart made me choked up the entire time I was walking through the store. I felt like one of those movie star types that had to keep her sun glasses on while inside. Most of the people that work at Lowe's knew Betty by name and I was so scared one of them was going to ask me where she was. I know I would have totally lost it. I feel really lucky no one did, or maybe it was the fact I was hiding behind my sunglasses they figured it was best to leave me alone.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can remember Betty and it will bring a smile to my face instead of tears...

Thank you again for everyone's love during this really hard time.

Shannon & the Smushies

Why??

Please forgive my ramblings. I can't wrap my mind around the fact Betty is gone. Why was she seizure free for 9 months and now she's gone?? WHY? 

She had a few mild seizures over the past couple months, but she was doing good. We were managing it. I'm still in shock that within 2 days, she's just gone from horrible, continuous seizures. 

I can't stop questioning if I could have done something different for her. Was there something in the house that was a trigger and WHY didn't I recognize it?

Several doctors and a very dear friend with her own seizure dog have told me that this happens with seizure dogs. That this is the most frustrating thing about dogs with Epilepsy. One day they are fine and the next they are gone. But I still can't stop screaming WHY?? 

The loss of Betty is overwhelming. The sense of guilt I feel for not saving her is killing me. Should I have tried more medication? Should we have given her longer to adjust to the larger doses of Postassium Bromide?  Was it too much medication? Did she suffer? Was she scared? Did she know how much I loved her up to the end?  Someone please give me the answers to help ease my pain!!!

Stella and Gunther have both been in my lap trying to comfort me, but I feel guilty for loving on them because Betty is gone.  Would she think I'm just moving on? How is it to know something logically but emotionally all I can rationalize is that I want my Betty back.

Shannon

Betty is an angel in heaven now.

Tears are streaming down my face as I share with our friends that my angel Betty has passed away.

12-22-2007 -  11-14-2010

We adopted her from the French Bulldog Rescue Network. Her gotcha day was December 12th, 2009. We knew she had a seizure disorder, but something about her spirit stole my heart and I knew we belonged together. 

Through our wonderful vet, we were able to keep her seizure free for 9 months. I was dedicated to learning everything I could about canine epilepsy to ensure she had a long life with us. My heart breaks that despite my efforts, I lost my precious girl far too soon. We were all blessed that for 9 wonderful months Betty experienced life without suffering a seizure.

She was my constant companion. If not glued to my side at home, she tagged along in the shopping at whatever store we happened to be shopping in.

Betty LOVED Stella and Gunther and they her. From the second I walked in the door after adopting her, the 3 of them acted as if they had known each other forever.

Betty was my 'heart' dog and a large piece of my heart died with her last night. She suffered debilitating seizures the past 2 days that no creature should have to endure. I set my baby girl free while holding her and telling her how much I loved her and that my life will never be the same without her.

Thank you all for sharing our time with Betty. She will be missed more than I can describe.

Shannon